maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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