Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i will never coherently bang her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
