if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
