There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
