My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
