i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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