We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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