And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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