Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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