State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
