dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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