funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
