so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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