I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
