Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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