i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
