I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
