saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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