she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize