I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
