filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
