The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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