at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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