she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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