Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
