I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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