need another drink. this is the easiest way
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
