Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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