I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
