there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
