FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
