she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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