She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
