the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
