I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have so many feelings about this burrito
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
