My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
