One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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