After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
