exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize