I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
