We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
