Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
