last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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