I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My balls are so social today.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
