I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize