I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
