I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
