We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize