Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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