another moral hangover. fuck.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
