What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
