He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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