youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
