i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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