Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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