Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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