So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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