We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
