Too much gin, very little bucket
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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