he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
