for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
