I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
