one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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