dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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