That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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