So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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