I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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