and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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