Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
