she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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