It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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