i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh god it's open bar.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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