So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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