i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
